The Craven Award

It's been awhile since we sat down to talk to each other but I've been trying to build up some stuff worth telling you in the meantime.

For starters, I want to give a big shout out to my other brother Darryl. He recently won Slugfest (think home run derby, but for slo-pitch) in Saskatoon beating out a huge field of over 32 other dudes. The win was made all the sweeter when the final guy to beat was a disreputable bloke (aka douchebag).

What's new with me? Where to start? Lately I've been helping out with the logging and sampling on an RC (reverse circulation) rig. These rigs usually get used for oil and gas jobs but every now and then they get used for other exploration. They only provide you with little rock chips to look at so it's all really more of an art than a science when you're trying to describe things.

I've been able to take a break each day (when work is caught up and the drill is behind) to do some scrambling. There's some mini-escarpment by where we are and I've been conquering their barely-above-sea-level peaks. At least it gets me up above the flat and offers great views. I probably only get up to 30 m high and you can see for miles. The region we're in is classified as tropical savanna because of the extreme ends of the wet and dry scale. So while there are thousands of trees around, they are spread out to maximize growth and water usage. Being so spread out also means that you rarely find shade, but at least it's not a true desert where there's only scrub brush and flat sandy land.

I can't let this update go without telling you all about a recent trophy that was constructed in my honour. A couple weeks ago when I returned from Vietnam, a wizened and grizzled travel vet, the boys at King River had something waiting for me. After hearing about the 'diesel incident' (for which I am now famous...or infamous....either one works really) they took it upon themselves to construct a trophy dedicated to acts of numb-skullery.

 It is called the "Knob of the Week" and it was made out of an old door knob that didn't work anymore. It took one of the fieldies over half an hour to carve the letters onto the plate with a Dremel tool. It was a long process of blood, sweat and tears involved in its creation. However, I'm sure just about everyone here would say it was worth it. Seeing as how I was the inaugural winner of said trophy, it has also gone by the moniker, 'the Craven Award'. You don't win an Oscar here, but you can win a Craven.

"As you can see there's been a few winners since my inauspicious day. Misty was the latest winner when she locked herself in one of the vehicles."

p.s. Can't believe how the Riders have started the season. 3 quality wins against quality opponents. I predict we go 1-3 over the next 4 games.

Business as Usual

Fortunately or unfortunately my job has turned into one more closely resembling the one I normally occupy back in Canada. This has in turn made for fewer adventures and more routine days. Sure Misty had a huge Huntsman spider in her sleeping bag. Sure one of the fieldies found a snake under his tent....pffft. Didn't happen to me so what's the big deal?

In all seriousness, things have begun to settle down for me here and it's time to hit a stride....or pace.....or some sort of motion driven activity that leads to continual completion of tasks. Yeah that's it.

In the morning I drive to the rigs. Then I scan the core to see if it's 'hot' (ie radioactive). Then I drive the core back to camp. I load it onto racks. Then I log the core (or more accurately, train others to log it, as I am doing now). Rinse and repeat.

I wouldn't want you to go home totally empty handed though. As a parting nod to the sights of the last camp I was at, here are some photos for your enjoyment.

"Not long before I left Jabiru and Kakadu National Park we did some scouting with the chopper. You remember that arch? Well, I got a closer look.....the chopper couldn't safely get any closer but this view did nicely."

"A shot from my last hike in the bush there. You see that tree immediately to my left? There's a green tree ant nest in the branches. Seconds after this photo I will walk into it. I will then swear....a lot."

"Just climbin' some rocks, takin' some pics..."

"I know I'm ruining the view, but in the background is the East Alligator River Valley. We were about halfway up the valley wall at this point."

"Ranger Uranium Mine. The town of Jabiru wouldn't exist if not for this mine. Whether that's good or bad is up to people much better than myself. The mine is situated out in the middle of a flood plain and has to contend with the wet season every year."

"Cockatoos flying around in the courtyard at the resort I was staying at. Kind of odd to see them instead of pigeons or gulls."

"We found a pretty cool creek bed. This tree jutted out right across most of it. Probably the unique part of this area was the shade.... the blissful shade."

Nam - Cu Chi Tunnels

My second day tour was out to the Cu Chi Tunnels. They were used by the Vietnamese against the French back in the 50s and then again by the Viet Cong against the Americans and South Vietnamese in the 60s and 70s. When they were at their most developed they consisted of a network of 3 levels of over 240 km worth of intertwining and booby trapped tunnels. It gave the North (communist side) a stronghold in the south that was never broken. The Americans eventually became so frustrated with trying to fight on the Viet Cong's terms that they blanketed (aka 'carpet bombed') the entire area with Agent Orange (a defoliant that killed the vegetation) and then dropped 30 tons worth of bombs. 30 tons is a lot. Craters still litter the ground in the area and aren't fully overgrown yet. Agent Orange was no slouch either. Over 11 million gallons of it were used in the war and it's a nasty substance. It's worst ingredient is TCDD which is short for 'Kills stuff Dead'. Seriously, it's known to be one of the most dangerous substances ever created by man and 1 tablespoon of pure TCDD could kill millions of people.

Fast forward to today. The jungle has grown back and the tunnels are now a tourist attraction.

"To start the tour we were shown a war propaganda video. Only thing is it was from the Viet Cong's side. It showed many war heroes (both men and women) who were awarded the medal for 'Killer of American Invader'. It was different to say the least to see that little film. I imagine it somewhat akin to seeing Nazi propaganda....except the Vietnamese may actually have had a point."

"We were shown all kinds of traps that were used against the invading forces. All of them were poky and all of them would not feel good. This one in particular seemed pretty nasty. It was called a door trap. When a soldier kicked a door open or opened it all the way the trap would swing down. A natural defense mechanism for a soldier is to hold his gun out to stop something from hitting him in the face or chest. That would stop the top half of the trap. The lower half would then swing on its hinge and hit, well, you know....down there. As our tour guide so eloquently put it, 'No more man.'"

 "A B-52 bomb crater. Remember that they get monsoon rains in Vietnam and that this crater has had a lot of sediment wash down into it....and it's still huge (that crater is about 6m across)!"

"This was a legit tunnel entrance. You put that lid on there and cover it up a bit and it would be damn hard to find. I barely fit inside the opening and I think my shoulders would have made it through with some effort. Big American soldiers would have been like a square peg in the round hole, it just wouldn't have worked."

"I crawled through two tunnels. The first was a '5-Star' tunnel that was usually over a metre high and went for 100 m. This photo was taken in the '4-Star' tunnel. It was mostly less than a metre high and ran for about 50 m long. There wasn't much light in the larger tunnel and basically none in the second one. If ever there was a test for claustrophobia, this is it. Once you start getting down to the '2-Star' tunnels they're so small that you have to lie down and shuffle through them. I think that's where I would have hit my limit. Now try to imagine people living down here during the war. Kitchens, gathering rooms, hospitals, it was all down there and the only way to get from place to place was by the tunnels. People were only ever allowed to come out at night and cooking had to be done at 3 am when the smoke would be mixed in with the morning mists."

"I may or may not have fired an AK-47 at the end of the tour. And it may or may not have been cool."

Fun fact for the day: Australians call redheads 'Rangers', pronounced rang-urs, because the hair colour reminds them of orangutans. They've clearly evolved beyond the term 'ginger'.

Nam - Markets and Mekong

This was my introduction to Ho Chi Minh City. I land. I stand in the customs line for 25min. I get to the front. I realize I've forgotten that I need my landing Visa first. I leave the customs line feeling less competent. An hour later I have my landing Visa and then it's back into the Customs line. I exit the airport. A gentleman standing near a lineup of taxis tells me he has a one ready for me. I am happy because I'm looking forward to crashing in my hotel room as it's almost midnight. He starts walking toward the taxis, then makes a quick about-face and starts off toward the parking lot. I am perplexed. He proceeds to take me to his Toyota Camry. There are no signs on this car. There is no meter inside. In the kindest way possible I tell him there's no way I'm getting in that car. He tries showing me his 'credentials'. They consisted of a fake ID card that'd been cheaply laminated. It may even have been a thin wax. I walk away and find a real taxi.

This was a suitable introduction. Not because I was in any real danger, because I might not have been, but because the country is poor and everyone is looking to make their money any way they can. Unless you're ordering food or purchasing something that has a hard price tag on it (even then you can usually negotiate) they will try to swindle you out of as much money as possible. Thankfully 1 Canadian Dollar = 18200 Dong, so even though you might get 'taken', you probably only lost out on the best price by 40-70 cents.

Ben Thanh Market covers a square km. If you want to picture what it's like you only have to think of a flea market.... but one that fills a square km. With shelves and walls and hangers filled with a variety of things. You can buy everything from dragonfruit to a fake watch to hand painted crafts to jewellery to coffee there. And if you don't want to buy anything? Get out. Because you will be bartered, pawed, pulled, coerced and cajoled until you do want to buy something. Sometimes you'll see something you want down a little market alley way. Then you realize that the alley is lined with people who want to sell you their stuff even though you have no intention of even looking at their stuff. If you have the intestinal fortitude to shrug off dozens of sales pitches in order to get what you want for how much you want it for, you're in luck. If you'd rather go to a store where you pick something on your own time, don't even bother coming to Vietnam....ever.

I went on two tours. The first one was a day trip out to the Mekong Delta that ran me 18US for transportation from my hotel, lunch, the tour and any entrance fees along the way. I got absolutely taken to the cleaners. The same thing was being offered at little tour shops for 8US. I don't know if I got a better tour or not, but it really didn't matter. It's tough to complain about doubling the lowest price when that only adds 10 bucks. The drive out to the delta wasn't necessarily nice, but it was interesting. The southern part of the country is intensely populated and dirty. Again, it's in direct correlation to their poverty level. You can't hold it against them because they've had a tough go at it. In the 80s Vietnam was listed in the top 10 poorest countries of the world. The entire world. That's poor. That's 'Chris Rock growing up' poor. They now find themselves as the second largest rice producer in the world and owners of a growing economy.

Enough capitulation to the documentary crowd though. On to the tour!

"Weirdest looking fruit I've ever had. A couple of bees claimed one my pieces. 

I didn't try to fight them off."

"I have video of this one too. I stuck my finger into the tray between the bees and pulled out some honey. I have to admit, it tasted really good."

"An 18 month old Reticulated Python. This little fella was 7kg but that same snake can reach 35 years old and over 100kg. I would not attempt to hold a 35 year old."

"Paddling our canoe down a tributary in the Mekong. I'd like to say I helped for a large part of it, but I really only did it long enough to get my picture taken."

"We stopped by a village factory (?) that was making coconut candy. I had a coconut drink earlier in the day and spooned out some of the actual coconut. Coconut candy = good, real coconut  = not good. Apparently the girls wrapping candies can do over a 1000 in a day. 

I can't even count that high."

"When we were in the village a few of us borrowed some bikes and rode around. It was a cool little stop. They even had a makeshift soccer field enclosed in a rope fence. Vietnam is absolutely crazy for soccer even though their country isn't a powerhouse yet. Give them a couple decades and they'll be where Korea and Japan are now."

"When we were working our way down one of the canals I could help thinking, 'Some troops probably came down this same canal 40 years ago.' It's odd to think that the country was a battleground not to long ago. I wouldn't swim in that water but it was still a nice view riding on it."

"It rained on us for a few minutes but nothing major. The storm left the sky looking fantastic when we hit the open water at the end of the day."

5 Million

It's been awhile but it's time to check in with my adoring crowd of.... 7? This post is about one thing, motorcycles. 5 Million of them.

I'm back in the bush after a week off and a short trip to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City/South Vietnam. You know that old Sesame Street song, "One of these things is not like the other"? That was me. I was not like the others. Not even close to about 6 million others. I've never felt more like I was in a foreign country than when I was in Vietnam. The beautiful part of it was that english is a bit of a second language in Vietnam. The US dollar is a recognized currency there but the Dong rules across most of the country. How they've gotten away with having a currency called Dong for this long is one of life's greatest mysteries. The money might have an original name, but it sure doesn't have an original look. It's the same dude on every bill. What's that? You have a 2000 Dong bill? BAM! It's got Ho Chi Minh's face on it. Oh you've found a 500000 Dong bill? Yep, that's Ho Chi Minh on there too. Ah well, maybe next time fellas.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, we were just about to start in on the motorbikes right? Well, that's where we're going anyway. It's estimated that Ho Chi Minh City is home to over 5 million motorcycles/scooters. Try to process that information. Try to imagine the sheer mass of motorbikes residing in one city. According to one tour guide the logic of so many is as follows, "If you have no bike, no girlfriend. If you have bike, you have girlfriend. If girl have bike but you no bike, you no have girlfriend. If you have car, you have 4 girlfriends." A resulting lifestyle factor of the huge amount of motorbikes is freestyle and free moving traffic. The rules of the road are that if you have a motorbike or scooter you can pretty much go wherever you want. With the flow? Done. Against the flow? Done. Across the flow? Done. But there is no stopping. You stop? You better have your guard up because the 4 bikes behind you aren't stopping. I'd like to see the streets from above because from ground level the city appears to be a living organism fueled by motorcycle/scooter cells that carry the human nutrients from place to place. I only took one motorcycle taxi and that was enough. The dude who was driving weaved us between cars, other bikes and straight through traffic circles. You remember that scene in National Lampoon's European Vacation where they get stuck in a traffic circle? Picture that, except much much worse...... so much worse. I could never drive in that city.

You want to cross the street? You step out deliberately and carefully. You look at the flow of traffic coming at you because while they will move around you, you still have to give them the right of way. Luckily traffic moves pretty slow and most North Americans would be the same size as the motorcycles. They're only 100cc's. I'm pretty sure the guys from my wedding party would equal 7 Vietnamese motorcycles..... maybe 8.

The red-headed stepchild of the transportation options is the cyclo. It's basically a bike with 1 wheel in the back, 2 in the front and a seat for the passenger in the very front. I took a cyclo from one of the markets back to my hotel. I took video of the whole ride. If you're ever up for a tale of thrills, triumph and heartbreak, I can show you.

Stay tuned for more from my pseudo-interesting time in Vietnam.

Well, didn't see that one coming...

Some people impulse buy clothes. Some randomly choose to buy a large electronics item. More still make a spontaneous decision to buy one of those desk birds that bob into the cup of water.

Me. I just bought a roundtrip ticket to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam and thanks to Trip Advisor I've got myself a sweet little hotel to stay in for $30 a night.

For those who know how I travel, you will know that I plan the shit out of wherever I'm going. I know exactly where I'm going, what I'm going to do and which day I want to see which article of which item of which museum.

Which is why this decision makes no sense. I had actually been considering heading to Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia because I'd heard that it was usually cheap from Darwin and catered to tourists. A safe taste of SE Asia if you will. I'm sure HCMC will be relatively harmless but I know nothing about it and have no idea how to speak the language. Hell, I thought it was still called Saigon! One of the most peculiar parts of the flight choice is that I don't even like asian food that much. Seriously, I don't go out of my way to have it.... ever.

When I head there I will try to track down the odd internet cafe so I can check in from time to time. I'll only be there for 4 days so there can't be too much that goes wrong in that amount of time. I think.

I've already accepted that I'll be swindled. I'll be treated like a foolish tourist (because I will be). Some kid will probably even try to pick my pocket. I'm still looking forward to the experience and I guarantee I'll try to get as many sweet pics and video clips as I can while I'm there.

I fly out on Canada Day and get back to Darwin on July 5th. I'm pretty sure I'll never spend that long weekend the same way again.

What a day....

The angry plant post will have to wait. This was my yesterday:

I had to put this one out there because I just had one hell of a day full of ups and downs, mostly downs. The events themselves aren't really worth talking about but their summation creates a veritable tapestry.

The day started off like any other. Get up at an ungodly 5:45am, walk to bathroom, do business, brain begins to understand that it needs to be used, neurons begin to fire.

I decided to spend the day in the hangar office to get some things done. I had noticed some things that were bothering me so I sent out some e-mails to the people I'd been working with. No sooner had the last one gone out when stuff that rhymes with hit, kit and pit smashed its proverbial self against a jet turbine. I had unintentionally started a shitstorm. And two more would follow. I hate conflict. I did not enjoy the process.

So after stirring the wasp nest in the morning I was asked to take some equipment out to Cahill's Crossing to meet someone from one of the other camps.

Along the way the ute felt like it was stuttering and surging its way down the road unless I was at highway speed (100km+). It was odd and I figured I should have a look when I got to Cahill's. As I waited for the other vehicle to arrive I went down to the river for a peak. I didn't see any crocs but I did see some aboriginal kids fishing. They don't use rods though. What they do is spin the hook in the air kind of what you see with special ops troops and grappling hooks. They were able to throw the hook a good 20-30ft out before they grabbed the line and started pulling it in.

"Aboriginal kids fishing while the tide is low at Cahill's Crossing. That ute has been there since I first showed up. It must be stuck in there pretty good because when the tide is up it's completely submerged."

When I returned to the ute the other gents weren't far behind. It had been an hour of waiting but the time to pass on the equipment had finally come. But as I turned the key over so I could leave, the ute stuttered and failed. It was toast. Why? How did this happen?

Earlier in the day I filled up the ute as it was just below a quarter tank. Better to do it early so I can go straight to the hotel after work. Good thinking. Too bad I didn't pay attention enough to realize that it needed diesel instead of petrol (gas). That's right, I had filled the tank with gas and it had carried me over 50 km even though it was a diesel engine. To say I felt like a complete idiot would be like saying Larry Bird felt like the whitest player in the NBA of his time, it's obvious.

After working out what to do with said toasted ute, a ride back was worked out. Before I left the crossing, my ride asked to take a picture of me. Apparently I look exactly like a young Robert Downey Jr., whom his daughter has a huge crush on. This noticeably brightened my day even though I had no clue what he was talking about.

I caught a ride back to the hotel with the chopper, not the worst way to travel.

While I waited for the drillers in the bar some younger gents were playing pool beside me. I was fixated on the TV even though all it was showing was an Indian cooking show. Out of nowhere I heard a loud "pop" and then all of a sudden, "ting!". The cue ball had bounced off the racked balls and cracked against the edge of my stool only an inch away from my kibble and bits. I couldn't help but laugh. My day had officially taken a turn toward good.

Moral of the story is, even though you might make an epically stupid mistake, you can still come out on top if you look like Robert Downey Jr. and have testicles that are protected by the hand of God..... I hope God is a woman.